It’s been months when I last showed up in the church, Victory-Pasig. I have been there on Sundays consistently since 14th of May. Half of me thought my presence would be less noticeable if I would be seated at the back (I usually sit 2nd-3rd row from the stage) and half of me expects few people would notice once my being is remarked.
So people greeted me with “Hello! you’re back!” (Have I been gone that long?) Oh yes, I’m back, finally! “How are you? What is up to you nowadays?” (Hmmm. Busy at work? Busy taking care of stuffs and all?) Oh well, I’ve been hustling with overtimes at work. You know, kinda stuff to earn more – if not to perform. “I miss you! What happened to you?” (Oh, I’ve been up and about from here to there, I guess.) Oh, Same here! I miss this integral thing, these people and the whole family!
And yesterday was the classic I genuinely missed. I jostled into my former mentor while fixing my hair in the rest room. She still mentors me when necessary. She is a pastor’s wife. I’ve been mentored by three pastor’s wife already. Yes. That is so true. “Miss Lorie! You’ve been in my mind for two weeks now. KUMUSTA? (how are you?)”. I didn’t know what to answer, I shrieked it off with a phony smile hoping she won’t read my mind through my eyes and said “I’m perfectly fine!” What a foolproof line to use this time. I got a bit scared Miss Maru read me between those lines. I tried to shun eye contact ‘cause I know in my heart, she’ll certainly figure out something that needs to be dealt with when I do. I was anxious I would have to sit with her for about half an hour if not a couple for that matter.
That word “kumusta” means a lot to us. Singles, in particular. It may mean, we have something to confide – good thing, bad thing. This word daunts me most of the time. It’s weird, right? When I was young, I thought the word “kumusta” is just a word to disguise disinterest or to kickoff a conversation. But I was deluded. It’s a big word. If you ask “Kumusta”, you have to be ready to give an ear and extra time (as in ample time), not to mention wisdom to advise (should this be solicited). However, if you were asked, be primed to open your heart to a possibility of console or impediment.
It’s been years since I heard that magic word “Kumusta?” It’s something singles (I, in particular) love to hear because it’s an indication that someone would hear our deep thoughts that bothers us or a joy that can’t sit around to be shared. Nonetheless, it is likewise something we dread to hear ‘cause we know we can’t suppress anything, that we will be caught anytime soon. Talk about discernment.
Now, this gave me a thought overnight. I get to check myself again.
How am I really doing? Self-check mode ON. I don’t routinely go over many questions when this mode is on. “How is your heart?”. It’s the only question I need to ask myself. Why? Whatever it is, will always boil down to the bottom line – my Heart.
A simple word that could mean a big thing.